


Goemon's Family Heirloom

by Disteerily, SNES_Trumpets



Category: Lupin III
Genre: Cars the Movie NSFW, Crack, Cursed, Don't @ Me, Like don't read it kinda cursed, M/M, Meme time, My Little Pony nsfw, NSFW, Not Serious, Pee, Premature Ejaculation, Really nsfw, Scat, Tentacles, cum jar, minion anal beads, really cursed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:54:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24555772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disteerily/pseuds/Disteerily, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SNES_Trumpets/pseuds/SNES_Trumpets
Summary: Goemon's sacred family heirloom.WARNING: CURSED FIC.
Comments: 31
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Kena and Spud <3

It all started when he was born. For as long as he could remember, Jigen had an obsession. A fixation. He owned a jar, formally a pickle jar, which he slathered in cum. The inside of it was dripping with cum. His mother had given him the jar when he was born and he carried it under his hat everywhere he went.  
Inside of this jar was… a figurine. Not just any figurine.  
It was…

Goemon. 

Goemone’s figurine was covered in rivers of semen. 

Goemon sat on the sofa, meditating. Jigen walked into the room. He lifted up his hat, revealing the pickle jar that sat on top. 

“Look,” he said. The jar sat upon his greasy hair. 

Goemon stared. The figurine, dripping with semen. He blushed. 

“How beautiful,” he said. Jigen walked closer, the jar still balanced on his head. Jigen bent down in front of him.

“My liege,” he said. Goemon tenderly picked the jar up from Jigen’s head. He turned it over in his hands, admiring the shining cum. Jigen had sprinkled glitter in there. It twinkled in the moonlight.

He slid it into his clothes to then reveal a smaller jar, a figurine of Jigen safely tucked inside. It was covered in hunk spunk, little paper stars adorning its base. He sat it gently on Jigens head.

They sat on the couch, wanting to bask in the glory of the vibe for a while. Some time had passed as they rested, their eyes soon closing to drift off into a peaceful sleep, and when Jigen awoke he was distraught to find his tiny Jigen had been taken from atop his head. 

“LUPIN!” Jigen shouted, he was furious his friend would do this to him! After all the effort Goemon put into it, wasted.

He tore through the house, desperate to find his cummy jar. Tears streamed down his face. “PLEASE LUPIN. WHERE DID YOU PUT IT?!” His voice was hoarse. 

Storming into the bathroom, he saw it, his precious cum jar defiled with yellow syrup. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” He screamed. He collapsed onto the floor.  
“Ara?” Lupin said. He eyed Jigen sprawled out on the floor, beating his fists down in a temper tantrum. 

“HOW COULD YOU?!” He wailed. “M-MY… MY CUMMY BABY!!!”  
Lupin picked up the jar, unscrewing the cap to pee in it again. When he was done, he brought it up to his nose and took a good sniffy. 

“Mmmmmmmmm. Yummy,” he said. He flicked his tongue around the rim of the jar, moaning in pleasure. He stuck his moist tongue in a little deeper, the cum and piss smooth and tasty. He moaned again, louder, echoing into the jar. The piss gave it a beautiful acidic flavour. 

“LUPIN! HOW… HOW COULD YOU!”

Goemon jumped around the corner. “YOU HAVE DISSICRATED MY SACRED FAMILY HEIRLOOM, LUPIN. NOW IT IS TIME TO DIE,” he drew his zantetsuken. 

Before Goemon could cut, his pockets felt lighter, something was missing.  
“Have you checked outside, dear Goemon?” Lupin chimed.

Jigen stared up at Goemon, eyes widened. He stood up immediately. Both he and Goemon ran into the garden, and there, sitting on the table was… 

GOEMON’S CUM JAR. 

It had turned crusty. And brown. The figure inside was destroyed. Flies swarmed it. 

Goemon… felt a familiar bulge in his tighty whities. His hand shot to his magnum dong. He… He had… 

An erection. 

He tore off his underwear and jumped onto the table, feet slapping against the hard iron table. He whipped his dick out. He shoved it into the jar, the figurine inside creating a nice sensation for his hairy peepee. 

He came instantly, screaming up into the sky.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP,” shouted a neighbour, sounding vaguely familiar, I wonder who it was.  
Yata glanced over the garden fence. 

He saw them.

Standing around the cum jars.

Naked.

Yata’s face paled and he turned away.

Slut.


	2. Minions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ahoy we cursed boys. Just for Kena and Spud ;)

Yata was lying awake in his bed, boner throbbing.   
“I need a pee”, he said out loud to no one.

He got up, straining from the ffort, the closet nearby peeking open and a box slightly inching out of it. It was nondescript, but he knew what was in there, he knew his shame. 

Minion themed anal beads. 

His cock pulsated. Peeing can wait. Yata grabbed the plastic bottle from his bedside. He shoved his twig-like pee pee into the hole in the top. It was perfectly tight. He thrusted as he moaned from the tight tube sealing his weiner. His legs ached from the effort and then. It happened.

He came.

Cum exploded into the bottle like a volcano, there was so much, sloshing out of the bottle. It was warm, wet and comfy. He glanced back at the closet. “My babies,” he murmured. His flesh bazooka quivered. He needed more. More. MORE. 

He ran out of the house in his baby shark boxers, grabbing the minion anal beads and his cummy bottle as he left the house. He leaped over the fence with his thick thighs glistening from the effort. 

“LUPIN! JIGEN! GOEMON!” He screamed as he charged into the house. His glossy rod flapped up and down as he ran. 

They were all sitting in the living room, surrounding their precious cummy jars, a new one has been added to the group. A Lupin splash jar, but instead it’s full of the lovely piss cream he loves to sniff and a small Minion figurine. He put some in the freezer. Yummy popsicles. He rushed over to the freezer to present Yata with his wonderful, delectable gift. 

He licked it sensually while it was still in Lupin’s hand, looking him in the eye as he let his semen crammer hang in the air. 

He produced the sacred beads. A string of them. Minions. It’s his most prized possession, costing thousands of dollars to get specially made. 

Jigen bent over on the table, asshole cocked and ready to fire. He puckered up his buttywutt. Yata moved in for the kill. He put in the minions, popping them in slowly one at a time, hearing the wet squelches that reverberated in the room. Jigen’s brown stained butt hole enveloped the cute yellow faces. He gasped, moaning loud enough the neighbors can hear. His hips bucked, eager to take more. 

Lupin grabbed his bent cucumber. He shoved it into Jigen’s comfy jar. His little carrot was safe and warm within the piss cream. Then Goemon joined, shoving his long hairy sword into the baby jelly. 

Yata shoved his yummy ruler into the liquid, feeling the sensation of the three peepees and the Jigen figurine. Yata played with Jigen’s donut hole. 

Lupin reached for the dried cum jar. He used a knife to scrape out some dried cum and he got out his one single long fingernail to make it into neat lines. He then snorted the cum up his piss sniffer. 

All of a sudden, Yata pulled out the beads. They were spotless. Jigen does not POOP, guys, HE DOES NOT!!!! Yata sniffed - they smelled of CIGARETTES and DESPAIR because JIGEN DOES NOT POOP, GUYS. HE does NOT. And then he shoved them into Goemon’s asshole.

Goemon said “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” as the beads entered his sacred tunnel. “Yeehaw” Jigen whispered. Yata stared, mesmerised. Goemon’s asshole was a glittering meat manhole. 

Yata brought out his smooth bony foot. He plunged it into Jigen’s asshole. He felt around with his big toe and felt a loose minion floating about in there. He pulled his foot out, shoving his bottle cummy jar deep in there.

The other man spunk jars looked so appetizing. Jigen’s mouth watered. He groaned. He moaned thinking about all those trapped figurines, feeling the need to put them in his pie hole. HIS COCK PULSATED AND QUIVERED AND then. It happened.

His awakening.

Jigen’s dick exploded into octopus tentacles. They slapped Goemon's back, over Lupin’s face, and over Yata’s buttywutt. 

Lupin ate his minion figurine in the madness. The cum and piss created a soft outer layer. Inside was the crunchy layer. The plastic shattered between his chompy wompies.  
They all ate their respective figurines. They were yummy cummies in their tummies. Acidic with the golden showers of ages. They all released their piss streams in unison, to create a wet pissy cum puddle to flop back into.  
Lupin belly flopped into the cummy piss puddle and starfished in it, making snow angels into the carpet. Jigen licked the floor. Fibres from the carpet stuck to his moist, wet, slug tongue. 

Outside was a shuffle, it was Zenigata, peering into the window. “You see this shit Applejack?”

Slut.


	3. The Poop Gun

Yata still thought about that day, even months later. Goemon, Lupin, and Jigen remained secluded in the house, not once leaving or opening the curtains. Zenigata left boxes of food outside of the door, and every so often an arm would emerge, snatching up the box.

Yata knew this as he watched daily with binoculars. Mike Wazowski, I’m always watching. ALWAYS WATCHING.

Yata had collected some Lightning McQueen dildos that he desperately wanted to share. He was terrified, but… he wandered over to their house, dildos hidden behind his back. He knocked tentatively on the door, rapping three times. 

Lupin’s head poked out from around the door. “Wat eees it man?” he said. 

Then Lupin saw them.   
Their red, shiny, veiny texture. The one singular eyeball. He had a raging hard on. “Kerchow” 

He instantly let Yata into the house. Then, on the table was a brown delicacy. It was Lupin’s masterpiece. A… Poop Gun. Goemon and Jigen sat around it, candles lit. They sat, vibin, listening to Hatsune Miku sing Nyan Cat. 

Yata… salivated at the sight. He rushed to the poop gun and stuck it up his tushie. “OOOOOOööööööööööööOOOOOooooööööooOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooOOOOOOOOOO!” He said.

It crumbled within his cavernous train hole. It cronched and monched. Then, Lupin said, “Salutations, fellow homo sapien, may I stick Vlad the Impaler into your buttocks?”

“Êêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêêê êêêêêêêêê Yes” 

Then, Lupin stuck his MANROOT into the hole. The poop shards crunched. He came instantly, making poop gun soup inside of Yata’s RECTAL CAVITY. He put it in a bowl on the table. The lit a series of candles around the bowl and never TOUCHED IT AGAIN BECAUSE THEY DON’T DO SKAT PLAY GUYS. THEY DON’T POOP GUYS. THEY DO NOT POOP. 

Jigen pulled out a peanut butter jar. It was full of piss jello. TRAPPED inside were the minion anal beads. Goemon cried tears of blood down his pallid face. He sniffed, wiping his tears with the cum sock. Jigen patted him on the back in sympathy. Then. Jigen stuck his manhood into the jello with a squelch.

He put his piss jello coated cock into the cum sock, safe and warm and moist, then gave it back to Goemon after a few minutes. Goemon put his foot into the cum sock and then Jigen’s shoe, and walked around the room, his toes slipping and sliding inside of Jigen’s too big boot. Then ZENIGATA APPEARED.

“WHO’S THAT POKEMON??” Lupin yelled.

“IT’S ZENIGATA” Yata screamed.

Zenigata pulled off Goemon’s boot and licky licky his twinkle toes. 

They ended with the Lightning McQueen dildo. Jigen dipped it into Goemon’s soup bowl. It smelled wonderful. The Poop Gun has dissolved into a creamy chocolate paste. Once Jigen had a big enough dollop, he sniffed it, getting some on the tip of his nose, Then he moved to the wall. Zenigata grabbed a Green Car Dildo and Goemon grabbed a Mater dildo. “KACHOW” said the dildos. They used it to slather cum onto their walls, using it as a paste for their new wallpaper. It was My Little Pony themed. 

“My favourite is Rainbow Dash,” said Goemon, slicking off the last of the cum from his toes.

“Mine is Fluttershy,” said Jigen, revealing the fluttershy themed Rolex watch on his wrist.

“Okay everypony,” said Zenigata. “BRING HIM TO THE JAR.” 

They pulled Lupin towards… THE jar. THE JAR in the bathroom. It was 8 ft tall and 5ft wide. Filled to the brim with pissy creamy goodness. 

“CANNONBALL” shouted Lupin as he dove into the viscous, delicious, nutritious liquid. 

Jigen shed a tear. 

Slut.

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  Image by Spud!
> 
>   
> Image by Han


End file.
